21st and Pacific Ave.

“There’s no such thing as a failed utopian community; or, if the collective is an experiment in shared time, how can time fail? A great sense of failure couches every success. YES and SO WHAT? Is That All There Is To It? What goal do you imply with the phrase ‘failed collective?’ Utopia – static and therefore unreal – is never the point. Collectivity arranges itself around a desire for something, to produce something, to become something else (and who cares what else?) beyond its individual members.” Chris Kraus, The Failed Collective

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The Fog

The days folded in on themselves, the moments felt like creases. The hours drifted by, foggy and blank, stirred only by the slightest of breezes. A drowsy sense of immobility took hold, an yet a feeling of unexpected urgency rose from one’s shallow and uneasy breaths. Sleep was never sleep. The dreams never cohered in one’s mind, but perpetually receded. Like the itch you can’t quite reach, hoping it will fade, conscious of every single second as it fades.

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The Bridge

Clarity. The thick, woolen indeterminacy of the day had passed. My thoughts were released Continue reading

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New Year

In the New Year, the sun rose and brought with it the expectation of early warmth.  A different kind of urgency took hold, more gently now, with one’s eyes resting on objects whose colors glowed in the light. This was in place of the usual thoughts, hidden normally behind a thick cloak of clouds, bundled up, resisting interference from the cold. Instead, one found oneself pausing in front of the closet today, considering the choice of thinner clothing, imagining what it would feel like again, sooner than expected, clothes meant not only for oneself, but for the promise of a new season, approaching slowly, as if in a kind of languid reaching for another’s gaze.

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Late September

Sky. Blue, but swelling with orange, almost golden, smearing. Like something wisened.
His head in the dry grass, his face reflecting the horizon. He is serene, but then his attention turns.
Her back is turned. Her hair moving in the light breeze. He thinks, will she notice him?
She does.
They walk in the field, maneuvering through the tall grass. Silently. This is okay, he thinks. It’s okay to be silent. And for awhile they are.
I’m not good with goodbyes, she says. Sometimes it’s better to just go.
Go? I’m glad you didn’t just go, he says, answering his own question.
Glad? Are you really glad?
He stops and let’s the words sink in, then retreats from the question.
Okay, maybe “glad’s” not the right word, then.
He walks away, but not too far.
What if, she says, as much to herself as to him…. What if there was a way to return?
Return?
Here. This place, carrying us. After all, places retain the sense of something having happened.
They do, he thinks. He asks, So what has happened?
She hears him but chooses not to answer. The words touching down like the earliest of autumn leaves. Premature, but inevitable.
The light is beautiful here, she says. The sky… and then stops.
He watches her, hanging back. Her hair moving in the light breeze. He captures that image, like a photograph, and keeps it. As if enshrined: the image, him, her, the space, the light, the sky, the feeling, always this way, preserved.
Always, he says.
Suddenly she turns away.

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Horses

If you look at me, what do you see? Coming closer, the sound of your breathing, reverberating in the cool, night air. Breaths not unlike my own, but timed differently, somehow inhabiting a different space. I feel it almost like a gust of wind, a fire, or rush of water, a force that moves me forward or pushes me away. Your eyes, dark and limitless, emerging from a pool of shimmering dusk. When I look at you, I can see myself looking. I ask, “What do you see? Do I exist for you?”

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The Night of 500 Tents

“It requires an architecture of consciousness.” Jay Gaussoin, Zuccotti Park, quoted in The New York Times

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